I think I've finally figured out why I was getting uncomfortable. It has to do with some rather unpleasant things that have happened to me
. Y'know, I was just remembering, rather fondly, one slash ship I never
minded, Tara/Willow. Now while I realise guys need love too
, I began to wonder why a certain pair of guy/guy ships were bugging me so much, and not even all
guy/guy ships either. Without getting too deep into detail that none of you probably want, while I was reading someone's Plaude
story, it occurred to me what bothered me. See, other than say a 69, there's only one
way I know for a male slash to dance...
Let me just say I have some rather painful and degrading memories of same, and while I know that there are those who enjoy such things, I am not one, nor do I think I ever will be able to. I had a rather careless, demanding, and selfish partner in the past. I had made a comment in another entry here about "Why can't I just pretend I'm Peter" when reading a Plaude fic, since of all the characters, Peter is the closest to being me in real life any way (despite that he's a guy). So I read and tried to do just that. Meaning no disrespect to any of you writers out there, I think you are very talented individuals, but having been the recipient of such... treatment
in the past, regardless of how much (or well) it is described as otherwise, I cannot imagine such an encounter as anything but painful
. I'd rather die a thousand painful deaths than be subjected to undergoing that again, myself. So this is probably why I cringe when I read about a character I'm playing/pretending-to-be-just-while-I-re
with going thru this. I dunno, maybe if the Haitian could come over here and erase that, it wouldn't bother me.
update: 9/16/07- It's a bit more complicated than what I posted above. I realized that after a lengthy conversation in another thread later on in this journal. More so than Peter, I identify more with Claude. The more "Plaude" I see out there, the more upset I am becoming. For more details see this entry
and the subsequent conversation thread.